Today I am sitting here feeling hurt deep inside. Few months ago I was deeply hurt in a situation, which has caused me to lose trust in others. One thing that really hurts me is when someone close to me takes advantage of my trust. If it was a stranger, it wouldn’t bother me this much but it is someone that I expected better from. When I was younger my mother use to tell me, “The closest person to you is the one that can hurt you the most.” I knew that what she said was correct but I thought if someone was a close friend to me they would try to help me and not hurt me – but I came to a point in my life where I was wrong. Not everyone that says they are my friend or says they care about me really does.
So because of this situation I have been feeling down for the past few months. I go around smiling and pretending that everything is alright but deep down inside I am hurting. I thought keeping it to myself and trying my hardest to forget it would have worked but that didn’t do me any good it actually made the pain worst.
From this situation I was badly wounded and I tried covering up the wound instead of caring for it so that it can heal. Covering it up doesn’t make the sore heal faster or proper, it sometimes can cause it to become worst. So now the sore have turned into a nasty scar. There are some scars that go away over time and there are some scars that stay forever. I pray that this one goes away because I can’t go on like this forever.
Today during my break at work I was reading the book of Philippians and came across chapter 3 verse 13, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. I press toward the mark for the prize of the higher calling in God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).”
Then I went down to chapter 4 verse 13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me (Philippians 4:13).”
After reading those verses I started crying inside because I knew that I need to let go of this hurt and move on with my life. It is easy said but it is something that will be hard to do, especially when the memories keep hunting me. It is almost like I have to start all over again and forget completely what happened. That is hard. But I am grateful that the Lord is here beside me and He is able to help me come through victoriously. I might take a lot of baby steps to start the process but I know that I will get over it one day.
I am a very emotional person. It can be a weakness or strength in my life but there are times when people take advantage of my willingness to help. I love helping and caring for others. I get very excited when I can help someone else that is in need. But not everyone appreciate the help I have given them. But no matter how much they hurt me I keep helping others in need. I think that was probably the issue. I have been hurt so many times reaching out to others and helping them, that it just kept building up until it got to the point where I just couldn’t go any further. I love helping people and because of the pile of hurt I have inside – I don’t feel like doing it anymore. That is not a good feeling because I know that is not me. So when I read those verses above and meditated on the love of God, it brought some relief to my life. I thank God for the small relief that I have received and am trusting Him for a complete deliverance.
I didn’t mean to be so personal but it was laid heavily on my heart and I thought I would just share it with you. I don’t know maybe there is someone else out there experiencing the same thing or have experience something similar. I do ask for your prayers. God bless you!
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