Criticism

Below is something I wrote few years ago when I was about 17 years old. Today I was going through my documents and saw it. This is exactly how I feel at the moment and thought I would share it. Enjoy!

“Can you tell me the answer?” There was no answer. “Come on you have to tell me the answer before you leave the class.” Still no answer. “What are you, dumb?” I heard these words for six to seven years of my life. I always heard people say I was nothing and just a joke because I was unable to talk, and when I did talk, I stuttered. I hated it so much I wanted to die. I was the object of wisecracks, from my family and peers every day. Stuttering was not my fault: I was just born that way. My mother had to run when she was, seven months pregnant with me, when a gang of guys tried to chop up my father. That caused neurological and physical problems.

            I have learned a lot about being criticized, and it still affects me today. For example, I get nervous when people look at me strangely because that brings back a lot of memories. Some people believe that you learn from criticism, and that criticism is good for you because it makes you see who you are. I disagree with that for two reasons. Criticism is not good because it can destroy a person and it can cause a person to lower his or her own moral standards.

            Criticism almost destroyed me. No one ever talked to me; I was always the outsider. I was always crying because I had no friends, and I was new to the country. It would take me a while to finish saying a sentence. I did not know what to do. I went home one day and my mom was looking at me. She said, “Baby, you OK?” I turned and looked at her with tears running down my face. She knew what was wrong with me, so she came and gave me a hug. Before I knew it she was crying also. I got a hold of myself and stopped crying. She looked me in the face and said, “I have to go and get you some help because I hate to see you like this.”

I also found myself lowering my moral standards. I am a person who thinks of people in a positive way and wishes the best for them. When I think negative about a person it causes a sore in my heart because I am criticizing and thinking bad of the person. This is not me and it destroys my loving spirit, which demonstrates my true personality. The negative thoughts cause me to lose respect for the person, not considering that person worthy of high regard. If I have no respect for that person, I tend not to care about the things that the person is going through, and if I do not care about the things that happen to that person, he/she can end up losing their self-esteem or pride. What sense does it make for that person losing their self-esteem or pride over the fact that they criticize a person? No one should have the right to criticize a person for what he/she cannot change. Criticism destroys a person’s self-esteem; it makes a person want to give up; it may cause depression; it may cause a person to commit suicide; and it may even cause someone to over-react to certain comments.

            The next morning she followed me to school. She came with me to the class and talked to my teacher about my speech problems. The teacher understood and said that she would talk to the principal. The next day a woman came and excused me from the class to have speech lessons. I was surprised, and happy, but at the same time embarrassed because the students were laughing at me. “You are going to Special Ed, you idiot!” I would hear them scream at me, but I never looked up. I just kept my head down and walked to the front of the room. I went to the speech class every day when the rest of the class was reading. I was always scared to leave when the teacher came for me because the kids would give me a look that said you have to go to a class to learn how to read; you might as well be in special education.

            After several years of going to that class I was able to talk better, perform better in school, and communicate better. I was getting the best grades in my classes and everybody thought I was the smartest student in the school; I got straight A’s. My mother was proud of me and told me that she knew that I could succeed.

Criticism can make a person insecure, wanting to continually change. For example, if a person is criticizing me because of who I am, it pressures me to change because everybody sees things differently. I know that life is not what it used to be because I have more friends now then I had ever had in my life and I have a stronger self-esteem. And the old lie of saying criticism helps, is a lie. Criticism hurts a person’s inner being when it is about someone’s physical, emotional, or mental state, because these are things a person cannot change. But if criticism is about turning a person from a bad or negative state to a good or positive state, then it is beneficial. For example, when I was criticized about my speech problems, my self-esteem was weakened and my inner being was slowly dying. But when someone saw that I needed help, and offer me speech lessons my self-esteem was building up and my inner being was reborn. Criticism is only good for one reason because any other reason can destroy a person.